Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Place I Need to Be!

Questions Semustions!

To many people, my journey into triathlon has been a puzzling one.  "Isn't it dangerous?" "Do you have time?" "What does your family think?"  Those questions don't bug me.  I want to think that those questions revolve around concern about me (yes I'm going to think that).  Other questions such as "Why?" "Do you have that much free time?" "Why would you negligent your family?" 'You're not fast so why do you do it?" and finally "How can you afford it being a nurse?" .... well... they do bug me.

Yea those questions bug me.  First, the reason it digs under my skin is the insecure side starts to analyze the questions and look for any type of truth behind them.  Am I taking time away from my kids and Hubbers? Do I really have that much free time?  Yea I'm a turtle...I will never win my age group, so why do I submit myself to this punishment to my body? Well, I finally come to the answer that.... BECAUSE I FREAKING CAN! BECAUSE I FREAKING LIKE IT!

This crazy triathlon journey that I have been on for over a year has taught me several things.  This things include, don't eat pizza before a long ride, place a towel under your bike during your trainer ride or you will have a sweat puddle on your carpet, some energy gels are disgusting, and forgetting your bra after a swim work out means you need to somehow origami your tittles in a way so you can race home and get one.  All kidding aside, Tris have taught me that I don't care! 

I really don't care what other people think when they are negative.  This has not always been the case.  I remember sitting in the car in tears because someone stated that there was a "fat chick" that completed a really hilly triathlon.  That fat chick was me because he was reading the results and he pointed at my division, at my name.... the only Athena.  I was standing behind him.  Standing there in horror, then walking back to my car in disgrace.  Now I just don't give a damn.......

I know that this might sound cold but there is a purpose to my thought process.  Is it selfish to do something that you like and enjoy?  Nope.  I finally understand the reason why others are negative ..... They are not in your shoes!

You know the feeling of excitement prior to the starting gun.  You know the feeling of excitement seeing your family cheering you on during a race.  You know the feeling of accomplishment as you see the finish line approaching.  Finally the feeling of being a BadAss for finishing a triathlon.  They don't. 

Yes I am slow.  Yes I might look like a zombie when I run (teehee).  It's the improvements that I look at.  I know I know.  I have been guilty of comparing my times to others.  "Wow, Rinny is fast!  I want to run like her!" "Andy Potts is a beast during the swim, I want to swim like him!"  It just wasn't productive people!
How I run.
I look at all my improvements.  That is how I answer the question that I'm not fast.  5 minutes faster in the swim.  3 miles faster on the bike.  5 minutes faster on my run lap (even though I pulled out of the last loop due to knee pain).  Then a week ago, I PR's my 10k run by 9 plus minutes.
So don't let people bring you down.  Don't let them get into your head.  Don't let them get under your skin.  Don't let them destroy your dreams.  If you fall...get the heck up... destroy the field... enjoy the ride. 
I will be racing my first HIM in a week.  I am scared out of my freaking mind.  I have doubts, but these doubts are my doubts.  While I know I shouldn't sabotage myself.  At least they're mine and not other negative peoples thoughts that I am allowing into my head.  I refuse to allow soul suckers to destroy me before I even start my race. I am working on making my mind a more positive place when it comes to my own racing.  I'm getting there but I'm better than before.  So you see...I look at all my improvements.  It's the place I need to be.